Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Does This REALLY Surprise Any Of Us?

I have taken a moratorium on the World Series this year. I mean, why bother? It's only gonna piss me off to watch. Then again I hear enough talking from the Yankees fans and other baseball fans in my office or on the street for that matter that I kind of figure out what's going on. (Also if you have a Twitter or Facebook account, you CANNOT get away from it). But I can proudly say I have not watched an inning of this Series from Hell.

As I tell people, I am not rooting for the Phillies, but I'm not exactly rooting against them. But I am definitely NOT rooting for the Yankees. I can however glean SOME joy from things I hear. Cole Hamels looking like the bitch we all know him to be. Derek Jeter is in fact NOT god. A-Rod shutting up his detractors (hey, I hate him as much as the next person but I kind of like that he showed up to the playoffs). Jimmy Rollins shutting the hell up and Shane Victorino looking like an asshole. Pedro not coming through for the Phillies, but also shelling CC Sabathia in the first game, to get the Yankee fans quaking in their boots, even for just one game. And you know what, out of all those douchephuck Phillies, I am glad that it's Chase Utley who is doing so well. I actually like him.

But I have to say I was mentally prepared for the series ending yesterday. I was ready. I didn't have to go to the office today, so I wouldn't have to listen to the blowhards who showed up to my desk waiting to throw my Rally Monkey down the stairs after the ALCS was finished. I could get satisfaction from the Yankees not christening their new stadium but also dancing on the Phillies lawn. I'd kind of like that, even if I wasn't happy about the Yankees winning. But I was NOT mentally prepared for the Series to come back to New York.

There is a lot of in-fighting between Mets fans about the "who" and the "what" they should be rooting for in this Series. Lots of disagreements. Which is silly. This season was terrible for us, it was pretty much a non-issue after July. So are we still that angry about what's happened that we need to take it out on each other? There is no need for it. You want to root for the Phillies, root for the Phillies. Root for "New York" to win, go right ahead and do it.

One thing we could ALL agree on, though, is that we'd want a swiftly won series, so we can concentrate on our offseason and subsequent hot stove.

Those bastard Phillies. They couldn't just BLOW the game last night so that ideal scenario would play out. We all know that even if they win Game 6, Game 7 will not be an NL winner unfortunately. Cause that punk ass bitch Cole Hamels is starting and he'll be going wee-wee-wee-wee-wee all the way home since that's where he wants to be. We all know we'll have to hear about that whole "mystique" and "aura" and all the other verbal masturbation we hear about the Yankees in this town, and how it's the House that Jeetuh Built, although the superior shortstop on that team is playing third base.

Those bastard Phillies. Couldn't make it easy for us, could they. Noooooo. So wait it is. We'll wait. Simply because there is no choice. But does this really surprise any of us? Of course 2009 is prolonged, OF COURSE IT IS. Cause that means most Mets fans will keep torturing themselves by watching the games and being emotionally invested. Well, that's redundant, the whole Mets fan torturing ourselves. We are, after all, Mets fans. If it were easy, we'd be Yankee fans.

Here's the ideal situation now. The Phillies win Game 6. Pedro redeems himself. Andy Pettitte gets old in a matter of days. Then comes Game 7. Yankee fans have visions of 2004 once again, although this time the stakes are higher. Jimmy Rollins starts running his mouth again. Cole Hamels is still crying like a little bitch.

But there is a tie game in the 9th inning. They go into extras. Charlie Manuel and Joe Girardi go through each and every pitcher they have in the 'pen and each starter, because no matter what, there is no Game 8 or Game 9. There is only Game 7. The Phillies go ahead in, oh let's say the 14th inning. The Yankees come back immediately to keep the game going.

There is a tie game in the 21st inning. This is Game 9. They've gone through each pitcher. Even the position players who can pitch are done.

Both managers have to forfeit the game. There is no World Champion of 2009. No parades. No banners. No flags going up on Opening Day. Bud Selig is ousted as MLB Commissioner. He's replaced by Keith Hernandez who automatically legalizes greenies. This is the absolute best case scenario for all Mets fans.

It won't happen. But a gal can dream, can't she?

5 comments:

Ed Leyro (and Joey) said...

I agree with everything, but if Keith Hernandez becomes the new Commissioner, it better not be Bud Selig replacing him in the SNY booth.

Solly said...

Teams aside, it's been a pretty damn good series. But yeah, I just hope it ends quickly so Omar can get to work.

dykstraw said...

all this handwringing and rationalizing. just root for the phils so we can take down the two-time champs next year.

Ryan said...

I was hoping for a swine flu outbreak, so they'd have to play into December once everyone was well.

Mark said...

Rather than a forfeit (a bit too unlikely), I'd like the series to end on a really controversial play - something like 1985's blown call - but this time a game deciding play. Camera angles don't clear it up. The loser moans how the series was stolen so the winner's ring always feels tainted and hollow.