I've been pretty silent this year. Very blah, very bored, lots of ennui. More so in my adult life than when I was a child and I think it has to do with the fact that I have chosen myself as a Mets fan voice, someone whose opinion is to be taken seriously. So when I have nothing to say, I just reflect. I do that a lot in real life.
Therefore, I apologize for being Coop-lite this season. I have a reputation to uphold here at My Summer Family. I have spoken up on other fan forums (like Brooklyn Met Fan and Metsblog) but I feel like I not only have differing opinions from some fans, but also that no one really takes me seriously. Because I've been Coop-lite.
This coming from the woman who coined the Big Pussy Posse. This coming from the Oh Pea lover, who dumped him for Brian Schneider's hot butt (and yes, I do realize he sucks and should not be on the team next year). this coming from the voice of the season ticket holder who would rather go to spin class and kickboxing gyms to work out my life frustrations rather than go to the ballpark and drink and forget them THAT way. (Hey, at least I'm being somewhat healthy about it)
But oh boy. You're gonna hear it now.
So I got the very contrived letter from the Mets yesterday, on how they are going to go lower ticket prices next year for season ticket holders. Some fans (like Ed over at Studious Metsimus) brought up the fact that this may apply to season ticket holders, not mini-plan holders, like him. And Ed, sorry to call you out, but I have a feeling that you will also be reaping the rewards of a discount around the park. See, season ticket holders do not get any kind of discount, unless you count not having to go through Ticketmaster for those "convenience charges" or any hullabaloo like that. Although we do have other methods to pay with, by going to the park and selling fees on StubHub and all that fun stuff.
What gets me is that this isn't for the fans. Once again, it's for the Wilpons, who unless they haven't been to their eye doctor in a while (unless he, too, was affected by Bernie Madoff's investment company), have to see that the seats in the park are empty, their viewership is down on SNY and kind of like Woody Boyd's uncle who got hit by a combine running into the house when his aunt was baking brownies...the fans along with the team are just begging 2009 to just die already. (Yes, that was a Cheers reference)
So in today's AM NY (and if anyone can find the link to the story, I would be grateful), the quote from Dave Howard -- the Mets exec VP of business operations -- says it's not because of the dismal season, but because of the economic realities forcing them to increase demand for the tickets.
Well, as they say on my redneck side of the family, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!!!! Of COURSE it's the economic reality. It has NOTHING to do with us fans who's money has helped keep this turd of a team afloat this season (Ponzi schemes be damned). NOOOOOO -- it's all about the Benjamins. Who cares if the fans sit down and see yet again a shitty product? They have 20% of the Loge-zanine seats in the Excelsior area!!! We'll still get our money! Mwah-ha-ha-ha!!
You wanted it, now you got it.
Dear Fred, Uncle Saul, and Jeffy:
I know there are only three games left this season. I know you have had my money theoretically since last September in the form of a "down payment" from my playoff non-usable tickets for 2008 for the inaugural 2009 season at CitiField.
I know I have been drunk at more games than I care to remember (and that's the truth, I really DON'T care to remember). I visited other ballparks this summer and realized that a team 3000 miles away across the country got my respect and desire in less than 15 minutes, and the team I have been following since I was seven years old really could care less that I spend most of my leisure time as an adult following this team around when I could be spending my money at the beach, on tolls going to the Jersey Shore, following the Grateful Dead around, anything, something, other than following this team that cares more about my money than me and my feelings associated with the team.
I talk tough now, but after a monumental collapse, going out with a whimper and not a bang, and then this year which is the Staten Island of all baseball existences (no-man's land), I say -- you think you're doing me a favor by lowering ticket prices? How about getting Brian Schneider to give me a pedicure and foot massage? That would make me feel a LITTLE bit better than watching this team that you probably have no desire in pumping any more of YOUR money into to make better. You'll just use mine.
I have an idea. Why don't I give you a c-note, tape to a brick, and shove it up your ass sideways? That would make me feel a ton better. And while we're at it, why don't you guys do something other than be the good guys and pay out of slot in the draft? I think Mets fans would feel a lot better if you did that too.
Love, The Coop
Triple dog dare me to send that one out.
Kisses. I'm back. Took me long enough.