Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Big Pussy's Posse Award Nominees


I've decided to try something new here at MSF. Basically, I learned something today -- I can either sit and bitch about the Mets current state of affairs HERE...

Or participate in it somewhere else.

I thought my constituents don't want me to regurgitate what's been either said by other people or by me someplace else. So I am introducing a new segment that may warrant some discussion from y'all or warrant me making it a regular piece of MSF...

Or both. Whatever.

So without further ado...WELCOME!!! To the Big Pussy's Posse Award Nominees, June 2007!

First, I have to give credit where credit is due. The title of this post is a shoot-off of a conversation that took a wild turn in Flushing University, starring yours truly, Debmc and GG. The conversation started with Beltran, and it ended with Debmc suggesting he should be named "Big Pussy" -- the name I had specially reserved for Aaron Heilman.

Say what you want about him -- I happened to think he was our MVP more so than Jose Reyes in the month of the April and in most of May too -- but the dude...is a -- as Hanz and Franz would say -- "girly man." I got flamed for saying that he was such in some forum!

#Beltran played with his face broken after his hit with Cameron in San Diego!#
#He plays hurt!!#
#He had no protection in the line-up#

To channel Artie Lange - WAH!

Yeah and when he plays hurt, he whines and bitches about it all the time. Either suck it up and take some extra Advil, or go on the DL. But you hurt the team. And you whine and bitch about it some more. ENOUGH.

And don't get us started on - well, he's two-hole hitter. He better shut up and stop bitching, or he's gonna get a bat in his "two-hole." But I digress...Beltran's only threat is not his legs, or his eyes or his mole. It's himself.

Now as far as protection in the line up, forgive me for saying I have a tough time being sympathetic towards a $117 million man who complains he has no protection? Here's an idea - be more selective in your at-bats. And quit trying to Bunt your way on, Bunt-on.

Pussy.

So you see? He can get us to the point where we can just say it out loud. YOU ARE A FREAKING PUSSY.

And these are baseball players folks. They get paid tons of money to play in dirt, wear cool uniforms and be idolized by millions.

Now that felt better.

So who else qualifies to be a part of Big Pussy's Posse? I say Aaron Heilman is definitely the leader, Beltran is second in command. You know -- he *is* a two-hole guy.

Well, to us over at F-U, Delgado (or Del-god-awful as I saw over in Jessica's blog -- btw, if you come here, please identify yourself!!!) qualifies. Why? Does the number .226 ring any bells? Anybody? It just jacks me that someone with the talent and SMARTS of Delgado is going through the troubles he is. He gets a Big Pussy nod since he won't ask for help.

Hell, even Tom Glavine took advice from Pedro Martinez and went on a roll shortly after. So don't tell me anything about pride. As Marsellus Wallace once wisely said in Pulp Fiction -- FUCK PRIDE!!!

The last nominee I can think of is someone you wouldn't expect me to choose. It's Paul LoDuca. And Mike, I'm going to give you a nod here, and bring back BloDuca if you don't mind.

On the surface, there doesn't seem to be a problem. He's hitting .305, he gets on base a lot, blah blah blah. We also like his spark, his spunk, his enthusiasm.

Until today that is. On an interview with WFAN, he said, and I quote -- We need to win at least one of the next two games against the Dodgers. We can't get swept.

In the immortal words of Denis Leary -- what the fuck is that about??????

Yeah, no shit, Paulie, you can't get swept. But here's an idea - go in and say - we're not only gonna take the next two games, we're gonna fuck the Dodgers' moms and make them watch while they sit and cry like little bitches???!?!?!?!?!

Moreover -- this is the same fucking attitude that got them into trouble in the NLCS. In Game 7, it was evident to me at some point...they were not playing to win. They were playing to NOT LOSE. Big difference in approach here. And when the team's heart and spirits says, "We can't get swept." Makes me think -- he's definitely a super secret special member of the BPP.

Lastly, Willie is a charter member of the BPP. What he needs to do is slap these guys silly, give them some sumatra and be like - here's some coffee, now wake up. Easy right? He won't though. You know why?

CAUSE HE'S A BIG PUSSY TOO!!!!!

So are you down with BPP? Apparently, the Mets are too.

On that note, let's fuck the Dodgers, their moms, their girlfriend and wives. And Paulie, you can get a teenager too, if that makes you stop being such a wimp.

*******************************************************

This just in - Justin Verlander pitched a no-hitter against the Brewers today. I like Verlander, I think he rocks.

I'm just glad we didn't have to face him in that series.
******************************************************
Photo credit goes to Gothamist, I guess by way of HBO. Thanks Vinny!!!

17 comments:

debmc said...

OMG, Coop, OMG!!! We're all famous in Metsblogland..... LOL Metsblogland.... I think that's a new state (of mind), shortly to be incorporated in the Queens, NY area, which is populated by people of blue and orange color, with a bunch of BIG FUCKING PUSSIES RUNNING THE STATE CAPITAL!!!!! LOL

Man, we can get a LOT of mileage out of this, lol.

I could not agree more with your nominees, especially because most of us over at FU were major parts of the, ahem, "nominating committee," lol.

Fucking LoDo REALLY REALLY PISSED ME OFF yesterday with that BP appearance on WFAN. And then the type of play and performance last night that we have so come to expect and unanticipate over the past two weeks or so..... BP material, for sure.

And Willie threatening to bench anybody who doesn't hustle? Hel-LO-O! Am I the only one who thinks there is trouble in the clubhouse??????

You mo-fos had better get your BP asses in gear. Because the citizens of Metsblogland will call a "special election" and vote your sorry mofo'ing blue and orange BPP asses out as fast as you can... well, lose another game to the Dodgers, YOU BIG FUCKING PUSSIES!

GaryG said...

I hear footsteps. It's the Braves and Phillies. They're knocking on the door.

One freaking run against a pitcher whose only 2 major league wins have come against the Mets. And we don't even play in their division!!!!

Maybe Paulie gets his wish and we can get 1 out of the 2 he was trying for. Wuss.

debmc said...

That's FUCKING wuss to you, Gary! *sticks out tongue*

Ay yi yi.... and to think, our next series is against the *gulp* red hot YanKAYs. It's almost too much to bear.....

You know what I was thinking of the other day? Last year, at approximately this time, we were in the midst of putting together a 9-1 road trip that left all of our competitors or would-be ones IN THE DUST!!!!!

Aaarrggghhhhh.........!!!!!

Jessica said...

Hey Coop. It's me, Jessica, from Chicks Dig The Pitchers' Duel. You've got a nice site over here, and I've added a link to it on my blog.

After the past few games, reading something like this certainly helps ease the frustration a little bit. Now if only the team would wake up and pound a pair of fat dudes who can't make it through a full season...

Coop said...

Jessica - welcome! And thank you for Delgodawful and the link!! I've linked to you too. Peace!

mr. met said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mr. met said...

Coop...I need to take a shower after that post. Talk about rants. Dropping the P - U - double swervy - Y like it's going out of style and swearing like a truck driver.

RE: LoDuca...I see where the man is coming from. You don't want to get swept and at this point and winning a game is a small victory at this point. 1-9 in their last ten? Yeah, winning a game would be nice. Two sweeps out of the last three series. For me, winning one game this weekend is all I'm asking for at this point....anything but a sweep. I'm sick of the incredible shrinking run differential...just please have more runs than your opponent at the end of nine innings just once…I don’t even remember what that feels like.

Also, what is the deal with the Mets catching the hottest teams of late. When it goes bad…it goes bad. Just some bad luck all around sprinkled with some uninspiring play.

BookieD said...

It has gone beyond words at this point. What can you say? Try to, like, hit better, pitch better and not make mental errors? Maybe they should shave their heads again? I hope there was some sort of discussion on the planeride back last night.

Something positive--Ollie P pitches tomorrow night at The Stadium, and he does love the Spotlight, so maybe we'll get a Dr. Jeckel performance. We're opposing Fat Roger who I think is beatable, notwithstanding his 6 inning, 3 run dominance of the Pirates last Saturday. The other pitching matchups, eh.

I've been nagging Coop, Mr. Met and Toasty Joe about pre-game drinks tomorrow afternoon in the Bronx at the Yankee bars. Is anyone from the Mets' Internet Family heading up to the House of Evil tomorrow night?

mr. met said...

Bookied, I would but I have plans already in Hoboken for some tasty beers. I can talk some trash with the best of them and would love to ply my trade in the depths of hell.

Just repeat this one at the bars:

"I've never seen Yankee fans get so excited about a team X games (whatever they are after tonight's game) this late in the season."

The Schmooze use that one last weekend and it was brilliant. So true....

Coop said...

Books - the problem is, I'm not sure if I can get to da Bronx in time for pre-game drinks. Manhattan is one thing...Bronx whole 'nother story.

As for Mr. Met, sorry you need a shower...maybe you need to be a charter member *just jokes* - as for Hoboken and tasty beers, you name the place and I'll be there. Just name the time and place. A couple of us are looking for a place anyway but I think Hoboken might lose out.

mr. met said...

I'm just heading there for a some beers and some food. Wings to be precise. I'm probably going to show up about 7ish and then I'll be heading into the city 10ish. If I had to choose a place now, I'd probably say Black Bear.

BookieD said...

Understood, all. I will carry the flag for all of us up there, and hope not to embarrass myself and my country an more than usual.

mr. met said...

I have faith.

Sassdawg. said...

hOOters tomorrow for Nick "the Yankee fan" and I after work.

Coop said...

D-to tha A to tha W to tha G - where is Hooters? Maybe thats where MG and I will go

Sassdawg. said...

56th and 7th

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!