I know I promised a post on the Coop Seal of Approval blogs, but I will hold off on that till tomorrow. I have something fresh in my mind that I wanted to rant about for a few minutes if you don't mind.
It's about the Yankees. I was in Borders bookstores today and saw there was a book called the Yankee Manual or Yankee Primer or some crap. It was essentially the "guide" to be a Yankees fan.
But my question is -- is there such a thing as a "Yankee fan?"
Save my cousin Big Cat and my friend Paulie Vee, two non-assholio Yankee fans who actually know something about baseball besides Derek Jeetuh and "26 rings biotch," most Yankee fans take their dickhead medication in the morning and proceed to be brown-eyes to those around them.
Take for instance my boyfriend, Chas or "Mr Coop" as you have taken to calling him. He has had two run-ins with Yankee fans in the past year which have been comical to say the very least. The first one was where he was walking in Manhattan with one of his guitars (BF is a musician). OK, a normal person with half a brain would kindly move out of the way of a non-hulking guy carrying a big guitar case. Of course, this dude is wearing his typical "Fuh-I-bought-it-at-Modells" Yankee's #2 Jeter shirt and a hat he probably just bought that morning because he decided he wanted to be a Yankee fan. So *he* bumps into Chas, and starts yelling at HIM! "What duh fuck do you think you're doing?!?! What, you blind or somethin'." To which my darling boyfriend replies, "Step in front of a bus and die Yankee scumbag."
This morning he has another run-in with a Yankee fan on the streets of Hoboken. Chas is carrying his guitar once again but is wearing a Mets windbreaker or something like that. Chas doesn't even acknowledge the Yankee fan and this a-hole says all sarcastically, "Fwuh, lets go Mets." To which Chas once again replies, "Go to hell, Yankee scumbag."
I see a trend here. And I am happy to say that he acquired all this hostility towards Yankee fans from me, even though he grew up in Red Sox country.
My point is -- after I see this book, I think -- what exactly constitutes a Yankees fan? I mean, I think most of us as Mets fans knows what draws us to the team. The youth maybe, the blue collar background, your grandfather was a Brooklyn Dodger fan and became a Mets fan, etc. Besides my friend Paulie Vee, whose whole family was basically Yankee since his ancestors came over from Italy, I would say that the name recognition and marketability of those bastards leads to most of the fans. I remember something the ever intuitive Metstradamus once said about a woman buying a Yankee t-shirt in an AIRPORT souvenir shop -- you DO NOT love the Yankees, you love souvenirs!
So what would be the guide to being a Yankee fan?
One is - you have to be a loudmouthed know-nothing asshole. Know-nothing constitutes everything. Said person probably voted for George W Bush too. (No offense if you are a Mets fan who actually voted for W)
Two is - you have to work in a white-collar industry. I'm looking at you investment banking partners, republican lawyers and stock brokers. Although I work in IB and Mike is a lawyer I believe, and we're both Mets fan, we are not assholes, so I guess we didn't meet one requirement and found it easier to like the Mets.
Third - you have to wear your Yankee gear to opposing team's stadiums EVEN when your team is not there. Hey asshole -- here's an idea. Don't waste a space in another team's stadium when a REAL fan could be sitting there.
Fourth - "I only like winners." Meanwhile, most of them were nowhere to be seen when the Yankees lost in the playoffs last year. Didn't most of Mets fans proudly wear our colors after our team lost on our home turf?
Fifth - You like to talk shit with everyone. EVERYONE. Including Royals fans whose team hasn't won jack in forever and have nothing bad to say about anyone. It's like the jocks at Adams College in Revenge of the Nerds and trashing their house when they won the Greek Council. Like they're much of a THREAT. Like a dog, they have to piss on their territory.
Sixth - you have to like to advertise your team on your windshield. Do you know how many jerks I saw today driving today with the NY logo tattooed on their windshields? Gosh, they must want EVERYONE to know who they root for -- may they get into a rear-ending accident from someone admiring their art work or thinking - what asshole puts his team's logo so big on his back window that they can't see anything?
Anyway, I'm sorry about that rant but I had to get it out.
In other news, since I am finishing school in two days, I can catch up on some reading I've had in oh, say two years. I am going to finish "And the Sea will tell" By Vince Bugliosi and the Roberto Clemente biography, which I am PSYCHED about.