Saturday, March 24, 2007

From the "WTF" Files...

I know I promised a post on the Coop Seal of Approval blogs, but I will hold off on that till tomorrow. I have something fresh in my mind that I wanted to rant about for a few minutes if you don't mind.

It's about the Yankees. I was in Borders bookstores today and saw there was a book called the Yankee Manual or Yankee Primer or some crap. It was essentially the "guide" to be a Yankees fan.

But my question is -- is there such a thing as a "Yankee fan?"

Save my cousin Big Cat and my friend Paulie Vee, two non-assholio Yankee fans who actually know something about baseball besides Derek Jeetuh and "26 rings biotch," most Yankee fans take their dickhead medication in the morning and proceed to be brown-eyes to those around them.

Take for instance my boyfriend, Chas or "Mr Coop" as you have taken to calling him. He has had two run-ins with Yankee fans in the past year which have been comical to say the very least. The first one was where he was walking in Manhattan with one of his guitars (BF is a musician). OK, a normal person with half a brain would kindly move out of the way of a non-hulking guy carrying a big guitar case. Of course, this dude is wearing his typical "Fuh-I-bought-it-at-Modells" Yankee's #2 Jeter shirt and a hat he probably just bought that morning because he decided he wanted to be a Yankee fan. So *he* bumps into Chas, and starts yelling at HIM! "What duh fuck do you think you're doing?!?! What, you blind or somethin'." To which my darling boyfriend replies, "Step in front of a bus and die Yankee scumbag."

This morning he has another run-in with a Yankee fan on the streets of Hoboken. Chas is carrying his guitar once again but is wearing a Mets windbreaker or something like that. Chas doesn't even acknowledge the Yankee fan and this a-hole says all sarcastically, "Fwuh, lets go Mets." To which Chas once again replies, "Go to hell, Yankee scumbag."

I see a trend here. And I am happy to say that he acquired all this hostility towards Yankee fans from me, even though he grew up in Red Sox country.

My point is -- after I see this book, I think -- what exactly constitutes a Yankees fan? I mean, I think most of us as Mets fans knows what draws us to the team. The youth maybe, the blue collar background, your grandfather was a Brooklyn Dodger fan and became a Mets fan, etc. Besides my friend Paulie Vee, whose whole family was basically Yankee since his ancestors came over from Italy, I would say that the name recognition and marketability of those bastards leads to most of the fans. I remember something the ever intuitive Metstradamus once said about a woman buying a Yankee t-shirt in an AIRPORT souvenir shop -- you DO NOT love the Yankees, you love souvenirs!

So what would be the guide to being a Yankee fan?
One is - you have to be a loudmouthed know-nothing asshole. Know-nothing constitutes everything. Said person probably voted for George W Bush too. (No offense if you are a Mets fan who actually voted for W)
Two is - you have to work in a white-collar industry. I'm looking at you investment banking partners, republican lawyers and stock brokers. Although I work in IB and Mike is a lawyer I believe, and we're both Mets fan, we are not assholes, so I guess we didn't meet one requirement and found it easier to like the Mets.
Third - you have to wear your Yankee gear to opposing team's stadiums EVEN when your team is not there. Hey asshole -- here's an idea. Don't waste a space in another team's stadium when a REAL fan could be sitting there.
Fourth - "I only like winners." Meanwhile, most of them were nowhere to be seen when the Yankees lost in the playoffs last year. Didn't most of Mets fans proudly wear our colors after our team lost on our home turf?
Fifth - You like to talk shit with everyone. EVERYONE. Including Royals fans whose team hasn't won jack in forever and have nothing bad to say about anyone. It's like the jocks at Adams College in Revenge of the Nerds and trashing their house when they won the Greek Council. Like they're much of a THREAT. Like a dog, they have to piss on their territory.
Sixth - you have to like to advertise your team on your windshield. Do you know how many jerks I saw today driving today with the NY logo tattooed on their windshields? Gosh, they must want EVERYONE to know who they root for -- may they get into a rear-ending accident from someone admiring their art work or thinking - what asshole puts his team's logo so big on his back window that they can't see anything?

Anyway, I'm sorry about that rant but I had to get it out.

In other news, since I am finishing school in two days, I can catch up on some reading I've had in oh, say two years. I am going to finish "And the Sea will tell" By Vince Bugliosi and the Roberto Clemente biography, which I am PSYCHED about.

Peace out


benny said...

I've always loved the the asshole-ness from Yankee fans that stems from the 26 rings. I mean seriously, who gives a shit? Most of those "fans" weren't even born for 5 of them. Fuck that, who gives a shit about something that happened in the 1920's?
I don't ever ever ever talk about the Mets and thier 1986 championship because well... I wasn't even born for it, who the hell am I to boast about it?

I also hate knowing MORE about the current Yankee affairs and current roster than Yankee fans. That's when I sigh and judge... HATE THAT SHIT

You should read "Omar, Pedro, Carlos, and Carlos," by Adam Rubin. It's fun to remenisce. The book gives you a big smile.

Sassdawg. said...

Anybody up for a little fantasy lineup analysis:

C - Piazza
1b - Berkman, Delgado, Mike Jacobs
2b - Utley
3b - Aramis Ramirez
SS - Carlos Guillen, Troy Tullowitzki
OF - Magglio, Junior, Josh Willingham, Craig Monroe
SP - Kazmir, Maine, Perez, Prior, Wang-Chung
RP - The Amburglar, Brad Lidge, Billy, and Dan Wheeler

Sassdawg. said...

When my fiancee moved in, she brought a Pink Yankme hat with her. She quickly learned what happens to that sort of crap in this house when I wiped the bulldogs rearend with it, which of course was too good of a fate for such garbage.

Sassdawg. said...

ok, strike the amburglar, somebody dropped Heilman

benny said...

Sassdawg, that's your team? are you fucking kidding me?
Your OF is a little slackin' but jeeze, how the hell did you manage to get all that firepower. You got alot of heavy hitting sluggers, very nice.
How many teams is this?
You have a very nice team.

And umm, drop Prior and shit, maybe even Wang. Or trade Wang for Scott Olson, Dave Bush or someone like that, an un recognizable name that will be more productive than Wanker.

Sassdawg. said...

Somebody just dangled players on the block, Pujols and Johnson, but to get to Pujols you have to take the Unit, sounds kinda crappy to me. Pitching is garbage in this league and washed up pitching is worth even less. Oh and it's a keeper league, kept Utley and Wang Chung

Round by round analysis,

1st Berkman
2nd Ramirez
3rd Guillen
4th Ordonez
5th Delgado
6th Utley (Keeper)
7th Billy Billy Billy Can't you see
8th Kazmir
9th Monroe
10th Willingham
11th Piazza
12th Lidge
13th Ollie
14th Tulo
15th Junior
16th Jacobs
17th Wang Chung (keeper)
18th Maine
19th Prior
20th Wheeler
21st Amburglar waived for Heilman.

Coop said...

AmBurglar - thank god for Toasty Joe. He's the fuckin man!

Benny it was a toss up between Pedro Carlos & Carlos! and Omar and Clemente. I've been wanting to read the Clemente bio for some time. Clemente won but I will def post my views on Pedro Carlos & Omar when i finish.

Benny - Sass Dawg is the cousin I wanted to join the Chuck norris League but you didn't have room. Guess it's a good thing - he's challenge your championship from last year LOL

mr. met said...

FUCK YANKEE FANS! Those smug bastards can have their team. Our Mets are infinitely more fun to watch and infinitely more exciting. Times are a changing and the Mets are taking New York back.

Mets Grrl said...

This guy sat in front of us on Saturday. This was a Mets-Marlins game, mind you, but he wore a Yankees s hirt and sat in the second row behind home plate. Unfortunately, that was two rows in front of us, so I had to stare at his back.

The point of the shirt was that the Yankees had a gazillion world series rings and boston had eight (six? dunno. sorry). so there were these bad silkscreened images of world series rings. that was just ugly and pointless, but that wasn't the worst.

the worst had to be the text above it.
Nothing is better than the feeling of rings on your fingers... world SERIES rings that is.
oh, and by the way, we won't have to wait 86 years until the next one"

crap like that. it was not grammatically correct, it didn't even make sense. just an odd thing to wear or want to own.

Toasty Joe said...

Coop - for the record, Mike from Mike's Neighborhood came up with "The Amburglar." It was better than anything I could come up with (even General Ambrose Burnside, which I liked).

I love the G.W. Bush/Yankee Fan connection, although I know at least one of your regular readers who will take offense (no, it's not me. GOD no).

Coop said...

Toasty - I remember that Mike came up with it. But your blog is like a religion to Sass Dawg and I. I know, it's silly, but we had a good laugh at AmBurg-lar.

Mets grrl - are you serious? I've seen those shirts actually (for the record, it's six rings for the Sawx). I find that when I run into those types at games, they're like "Fuh - I'm a sports fan." Then spend the rest of the games booing the home team, usually the Mets.

Like the guy who approached Chas unprovoked. chas would never even give the guy the time of day, and yet this a-hole decided it was necessary to talk smack. Why? Last I checked it wasn't October, let alone May when interleague starts.

Mike said...

Thanks for the props on the AmBurglar.

But think of it as a donation, being part of a nickname post on your blog and all.

(And see if I'd be nealy as gracious & generous if it looked like he'd make the squad and get PT this season!)